I’M having an image flash in front of my eyes right now: a Legally Blonde Reese Witherspoon-lookalike in a tight form-fitting crepe pink suit with a matching pillbox-style hat suit, and tooth-sparkling smile to boot, annoucing: “Hey married people, cheating is in vogue now; it’s so the new pink! You just need to know how to do it!” (cue: giggles)
So what inspired this sickly, saccharine-sweet (not) moment?
I blame it on a clip I watched on SkyNews: something to do with websites for married people looking for a booty-call/affair with other like-minded married folk. Which, led me to scour the Internet to find out if such websites truly exist. And they do!
I googled “dating websites for married people who want to cheat” and it rendered 296,000 results in 0.22 seconds! I guess it really isn’t that big a deal if you compare it to googling “how to bake a cake” (which, incidentally, rendered 10,100,000 results in 0.13 seconds), but it is appalling enough to know that, based on the results that I got from Google, you can read up to 811 entries a day on how to cheat on your spouse for an entire year!
The results range from various websites where would-be philanderers can sign up and meet other would-be philanderers (one of the sites termed it ‘married dating’ – what the hell, that sounds like an oxymoron!), interviews, videos and even an affair guide.
One of the websites I came across (the CEO of said site actually talked about the website on CNN) even came with a money-back guarantee. Their motto: ‘Life is short. Have an affair.’ Also, I learnt that 70% of its 3.86 million members are men.
Another website tried to explain why men cheat. Here’s an excerpt:
Their libido is prickling their self-esteem and making them ask why their wife no longer seems to want or desire them.
Unfortunately, for many men, it’s not that their wives don’t feel sexually attracted to them personally, but that they are so exhausted by the daily trauma of raising kids, they don’t have any energy left to think about sex at all. And many will not have the inclination to question the need for business trips or client entertaining.
And this is the real answer to why do married men cheat.
The problem is that the fragile egos of their men folk equate sex with love. So, they feel diminished if they are not receiving that type of attention on a regular basis. Without that intimacy they begin to feel inadequate and worthless.
If a partner of either sex feels neglected or starved of affection within a marriage, eventually they will look to inject some excitement back into their life.
Can society get more permissive than this? I’d like to think that there is still some sanctity in the institution of marriage. I’d like to think that spouses can still remain madly in love with one another and still have crazy passionate sex up till their golden years (ok, maybe it won’t be that crazy passionate when you can barely remember where you put your glasses or dentures, but you get what I mean). I’d like to think that old married couples can still have loads to banter about, laughs to share and tears to cry on each other’s shoulders. I’d like to think that married couples can still hold hands right up to the very end.
There has got to be a way to circumvent this issue. The question is, why are the women “so exhausted by the daily trauma of raising kids?” Ironically enough, therein lies the answer to the question. Men, if you want your wives to be energetic enough in the bedroom, you have GOT to empower her. By that, I mean take some of the burden off her; make sure parenting/housekeeping is a shared role. If she gets enough rest as you do, why won’t she want sex right? Of course, men, you gotta have great technique to get your women salivating for you. Else, don’t bother, k? You might as well hump a pie.
My friend Sean has a very interesting point of view. He says sex with a woman begins from the moment you talk to her: how you hold her hand, the compliments you pay her, how you manage things at home, how you help her around…basically, the point is to make the woman feel like a woman..and helping her with the kids show that you value her. It shouldn’t be too hard, especially when sex with a man begins the moment he unbuttons his fly and whips his penis out (yes, this is also another nugget of wisdom from Sean). But then, I acknowledge that not all men are like Sean, who relishes making a woman feel special. Which, then, makes me conclude that not all men are marriage material. So, how come it is the men who are promiscuous and complaining about their marriage? Shouldn’t a higher percentage of women be out there screwing around to make up for the lack in their partners?
But, back to the issue at hand.
How about scheduling some time for each other? Perhaps leave the kid with the nanny twice a week, i.e. two days consecutively? The first day can be devoted to letting the spouses recuperate and talk. The second day allows for more physical activity.
Ultimately, it all boils down to understanding and maturity in both partners, and also making the effort to make it work together.
I refuse to believe that we have to resort to cheating to fulfill a lack in a marriage.
And I choose to prove myself right. When my time comes, I will make it work.
Because of all the mistakes that society and I, myself, have made.
Because of all the mistakes I have seen happen in front of my eyes.
P.S. Oh. By the way, I have nothing against blondes… but the reason I chose to lead into this posting the way I did was because it is a visual depiction of how sickly sweet this whole sugarcoating of infidelity is to me.