Category Archives: life

Goodbye 2014: Looking Ahead

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You came so quickly, and now you’re gone;
I never had the chance to make right all my wrongs
So much unsaid — no, too much said!
So much hurt
These burdens of such staggering weight.

If I had but one wish for 2015
It would be to get things right:
To be thankful and happy,
And content in all things in spite
Of shortcomings and weaknesses in myself and others
To accept defeat and move ahead
To be selfless and brave, instead.
Strong, unyielding, persistent;
To embrace pain, and be resilient
To leave be, all that is beyond my control
To laugh more and cry less
And know deep in my heart that I’m blessed.
To realise that all I have comes from above
And to always offer thanks from a heartful of love.

Copyright Malaysian Minx, 1 Jan 2015

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I Need You

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I Need You Now

Well, everybody’s got a story to tell
And everybody’s got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there’s beauty here
‘Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on
I can’t let go, I can’t move on
I want to believe there’s meaning hereHow many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this”?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn’t plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I’m trying to hear that still small voice
I’m trying to hear above the noise

How many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this”?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Though I walk,
Though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?

How many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this”?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

I need you now
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
I need you now

Dancing with Dengue

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Dengue can kill. Image taken from http://galleryhip.com/dengue-fever.html

Dengue can kill. Image taken from http://galleryhip.com/dengue-fever.html

THREE days ago, I went for my last blood draw at the hospital, and was finally given a clean bill of health from the doctor.  I had finally recovered from dengue.

Dengue is a serious thing. A recent report in the Malay Mail showed that cases have continued to rise and that the number of fatalities had increased 163% from 63 deaths in the same period last year.

My dengue episode, although not critical, was nasty enough. It started when I woke up one morning with a terrible headache and pain behind my eyeballs, two Saturdays ago. Four Panadol tablets later, the headache and pain behind my eyes still did not dissipate. Feeling unusually tired, I went to bed in the afternoon, thinking that a nap would cure me. Unfortunately, I woke up with a burning fever that wouldn’t go away and chills I could not explain. Four more Panadol later, I still did not get any better. By the following day, my fever had exceeded 39 degrees. I went to the hospital and learnt that my blood pressure had dropped to 90/64. Surprisingly, I was not asked to take a blood test. Three days later, my fever subsided, but my appetite remained poor. My gums bled more than usual whenever I brushed my teeth, and I could not shake off the feeling that something was wrong. On a hunch, I decided to go to the hospital again to take a blood test.  This was Day 5 since my fever bout began. Two hours later, the doctor called me with the awful news that I had dengue. The better news was that it wasn’t critical enough for me to be warded, but there was every likelihood of my condition worsening over the subsequent days.

I struck a deal with the doctor. In exchange of staying home (instead of getting admitted), I promised I would stay hydrated (more than 2L of water a day) and indoors, and check myself in, if I started vomiting, getting dizzy spells and severe abdominal pains. The trade-off also was to go to the hospital for daily blood draws until I started to demonstrate an upward trend in my blood count. For someone as frightened of needles as I am, this was torture. Still, it beat having a drip needle perpetually wedged in my vein.

The bout of dengue has left me with a real sense of paranoia: I have woken up in the middle of the night, every night for the past week worrying about mosquitoes. Today, every mosquito bite scares the hell out of me. Because, while it is true that you may develop immunity from the strain of dengue that you suffered from, you are not immunised from other strains of dengue. Also, the road to recovery is a long one. A quick trip to the supermarket to shop for groceries leaves me terribly tired. And writing a blog is exhausting, too. I have yet to regain my full strength and I daresay it will take me at least a month to become my strong self again. Imagine if my condition were more critical!

I’ve learnt a thing or two during my illness, and I’d like to share them here:

  • Dengue can kill. If you suspect something is not right, or your fever does not go away, see the doctor immediately and get tested.
  • There is NO medication for dengue. Staying hydrated and lots of bed rest are key, alongside constant monitoring of your condition.
  • Papaya leaves DO NOT help with dengue. This was confirmed by the specialist doctor who attended to me. Most often, people administer blended raw papaya leaves as a last resort to dengue, when they no longer have any idea what else to do. This is normally close to the 7th or 8th day of dengue — when the body is, in fact, already starting to heal. Understandably, it would appear that raw, papaya leaf juice works when, actually, it is your body that is already naturally recovering. Trust me, I had my share of  papaya leaf juice, and despite downing the vile tasting liquid, my platelet count continued to plummet for several days. #TrueStory
  • Millennium cactus extract DOES NOT help with dengue either. It is also very expensive. I drank 1L of the extract over two days, which cost me RM560, and yet my platelet count continued to plunge steadily.
  • Your platelet and white blood cell count (WBC) will continue to drop for about 7 to 8 days. After which, it will start to rise. Once your WBC goes up, you can be sure that it won’t be too long before your platelet count follows suit.

Stay healthy, peeps.

Celebrating the People I Love!

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Celebrating the People I Love!

When you have more than 3 people who will stick with you through thick and thin, count yourself lucky. Some people go through life with far less.

LAST night, I celebrated my birthday with some of the most amazing people in my life. For me, it was not so much about celebrating myself, but of celebrating the people I love.

I am truly thankful. For these friends of mine who have known me for a greater part of 15 years, and who have been with me through thick and thin. Who understand me (and still chose to stick around!), who never judge. Who cry with me, scold me out of love, stand up for me, check up on me, pray for me, and encourage me despite juggling their very busy schedules. Who love me for the person that I am. And who give so much without ever calculating what they get from me in return (yeah, I’ve got childhood friends who only take….).

Someone once said:

Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest…It’s about who came, and who never left your side…

If you have even one good friend in your life, who’d be with you no matter what — you can count yourself fortunate. But if you have more than one — or more than 5 in my case — you have far more than you could ever ask for. And so, as part of the birthday celebration, I shall count myself blessed!

Truly, birthdays are special when you can celebrate the ones who stuck around!

Life & Times of A Spoilt Doggie: Remembering Zoe

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We went there again the other day. Mummy and I sat by the water’s edge, at the spot where we last saw you before you died, about 10 months ago. Did you know it was your time? What were you looking at when you sat there?

I’ve never had furry friends until you and  your brother, Leo. You probably knew that, which was why you never minded my silliness. Mummy was always my best friend, and all my other friends were People. Like Grandma, Uncle Oinks, Uncle Colin, Aunty Deepa, Aunty Goh and Uncle Tang. There’s also that kid, Ezra, but I don’t really like him much. He scares me and Grandma’s doggie, Muffins, too.

You and Leo were my first furry friends ever! I remember the first time we met…the two of you were huge and I was so scared! I stood behind Mummy’s legs, worried you would bite. But you didn’t. In fact, the two of you were always good to me.

Eventually, I had other furry friends too. Like Grandma’s doggies. But they’re not at all like you or Leo. And now that the both of you are gone, I miss you.

What is it like, to go? Does it hurt? I’ll be most worried for Mummy when my time comes. How will she feel? I hope she won’t cry too much.

I hope wherever the two of you are, you’re having fun. I will be seeing you someday and we can play together again. Don’t forget me ok? I won’t ever forget you.

Weakness so sweet

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Kryptonite
Oh, weakness so sweet!

You of honeyed tongue and dulcet voice
Of fragrance so enticing
Smile so alluring
Eyes so penetrating

Kryptonite
Oh, weakness so sweet!

Beckon me again
Break my defences
I crumble, slowly, under your steady gaze
And yield, steadily, to your silent call

Copyright MalaysianMinx 2014

Why can’t I be like…?

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Some days I wish I was someone else. Like that hot, irritatingly-skinny chef that runs this hip bistro in the suburbs and who whips up gastronomical storms that would melt a man’s heart.

Me — I wear old food-stained aprons, and can only cook a few boring, pronounceable dishes. I have only baked two kinds of cakes in my lifetime and, even then, not very spectacularly.

Alas! I can only be me. After all, everyone else is taken. Like that chef….

Holding On and Letting Go

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Sometimes it’s hard to let go; we always hold on so tight: relationships, the past, the life that you now have, the one you always dreamed of having… Sometimes you kid yourself that you’ve let go of everything that’s holding you back, but in the dark recesses of your head and heart, that secret place that only you can go to — that’s where you hang on to cherished memories, lost hopes, and dreams-that-once-were. Everything that defined who you were and who you wanted to be. You can’t truly close that chapter. You’re holding on and letting go.

Braving It

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Like a rug pulled from under my feet

Like the wind in my face as I run free

Like the thrill and trepidation of pure

Unadulterated freedom

And a fear of the unknown

A new beginning looms ahead

A turning point in sight

Brave it, savour it, meet it head on – I will!

Even if I go it alone

When I Can Scarcely Find My Way

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I’VE BEEN feeling a little lost lately.

It’s not a common occurrence, but it does happen. And I am surprised when it does. After some 30 years of existence, I figured I’d know enough of myself to avoid these ‘dips’ in life, but I guess I’m still a child in my heart sometimes. I reason with myself that it isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it doesn’t mean I’m immature and childish. I’m hardly religious, but I also realise that at these times, when I am compelled to look upwards to a Higher Power for encouragement and answers, I grow a little more.

One of my favourite hymns from childhood came to mind yesterday while I was stewing in my ‘lost-ness’. Such lovely words are worth re-reading:

“Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought by day or by night
Waking or sleeping Thy presence my light
Be thou my wisdom and Thou my true word
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord
Thou my great Father, I , Thy true son
Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one
Riches I heed not nor man’s emptly praise
Thou mine inheritance now and always
Thou and thou only first in my heart 
High King of heaven my treasure Thou are
High King of heaven my victory won
May I reach heaven’s joys, O bright heaven’s Sun
Heart of my own heart whatever befall
Still be my vision O Ruler of all”